As Rosh Hashanah marks the beginning of the Jewish New Year, I sat in several services this past weekend and contemplated this very question. I am definitely now as an adult, not following the total path of my parents and even grandparents. When growing up I basically considered my family Reformed Jews. When we lived in the Bronx, we did not belong to a temple for many reasons. The closest one was an orthodox shul that my mother always thought was basically made up of older gentleman that had not seen the likes of young families for many years. There was a shul off Pelham Parkway, which our only association with them was I went to Bronx House Day Camp from there since they were associated with the YJMA. I think we did not have the money to join there. The interesting question I have for myself is if we did not move to Rockland County when I was 11, would I have had a Bar Mitzvah...I had no formal studies up until that point and could not read any hebrew. What we did do was basically celebrate every Jewish holiday with my Aunt Fran(who recently past away) who lived up in Rockland or I do remember some Passover seders at my Aunt Toni and Uncle Vitty's apt in the Bronx.
But we did move to Rockland and part of the reasons my parents chose where they did was the fact that our condo was diagonally across from Temple Beth El, a large reformed synogogue. My parents immediately enrolled me in Hebrew school as well as got me a tutor to catch me up on the many years of Hebrew I missed. Her name is Helen Edelstein, and she was truly a blessing to study under her. She also was one of my Hebrew School teachers at Beth El. Through this crash course of Hebrew, in a year and a half, I had my Bar Mitzvah with a guest list of over 300 and a bill that left my parents in debt for many years to come. This huge Bar Mitzvah was the norm though and all my friends had these elegant affairs that costs mucho dinero. In some cases, it was almost like a contest of who could outdo who as far as the party favors, the locations, the large amount of guests, the expensive djs.,etc. Now in retrospect, as an adult, I think it was a bit crazy, but as that 13 year old, it was very exciting.
At that point I did love Hebrew school and going to Temple on Friday nights and I stayed relatively active with the youth group in my high school years.My mom's mental and physical health started to get bad towards the later part of those years, but my mother and I still liked to attend services when we could.
So fast forward about 12 years later and I reconnected with the woman that I had been destined to marry. My wonderful Lynn Anne Christie.She was one of my early loves as a teen- beautiful, sweet, smart,and caring. in discussion of spending the rest of our lives together, she researched and studied Judiasm and we together grew in the process of making our lives more fulfilled by being a "Jewish couple."
Now are lives are even more complete because we are more than a "Jewish couple", we have grown into a beautiful "Jewish family" with three gorgeous, loving children that we are raising to hopefully "be Jewish".
All of this sounds so easy, right. Not so much for Rosh Hashanah this year included many things- going to services on the first day at two temples- the first one is where we are officially members and is a small/medium conservative shul, the second is a much larger reformed shul similar to what I grew up in and is also where my wife is currently a 5th grade Hebrew school teacher and led some truly religious High Holiday activities for children in 2nd grade and under. Then on Day 2, we split up with Lynn Anne and Kaycie going to Temple Hatikvah and I took the boys to Temple Beth Am because Ralphie wanted to go to the farm to do Taschlich, the ritual of throwing bread into water to cast away sins that we committed from this past year.
This was wonderful for me. For the first time in many years since we had children I got to pray, listen, and truly study in peace. I love my children to pieces, but if they are in the shul with me at services, I rarely get the opportunity to really pay attention to the service. In both shuls I took the kids to the age appropriate program and then I was able to be an active participant in the services.
So throughout this experience I couldn't stop thinking and relecting, 'Where does this put me as a Jew...am I reformed like when I grew up at Temple Beth El, am I a conservative Jew, being that I am a member at a Conservative temple, or could I even consider leaning towards Orthodox, as I love to go to activities and services run by different local Chabad centers?' (extremely friendly ultra orthodox groups that try to get Jews of all levels to commit to a higher level of Judiasm).
My conclusion... I think I am an 'ECLECTIC JEW'. A little bit of everything. I love different parts of each service and each shul. So in my life and when we raise our children to be Jewish, that is what we will end up doing, "Being Jewish" which I think might mean attending events in different places, taking a little from here and a little from there. So what did I love from Temple Beth Am (Reform)- Loved the music, I loved the fact that there was a choir. When Lynn Anne and I got married through our first couple of years at Temple Beth El one of the things that we loved was that we were in the choir together. Loved the Rabbi and the way he led the service with constantly updating the congregation as to page numbers. In the conservative synagogue, we have our Rabbi whose entertaining shmaltzy sermon was interesting and usually focuses on inner spirituality. Both of these services provided ample opportunities for children to participate in the service. It was so exciting for my kids to get to blow shofars on the bema and they actually did pretty well. In Temple Beth Am's service this morning, it was wonderful watching the Rabbi through his storytelling turn into a chef making his stew with ingredient suggestions from the children of what would make this year a good one. I can not forget what I love about the Chabad services too....the true teaching part of the services that even though they are praying at super fast speeds they are always trying to make it a learning experience about what the prayers and the torah portions are about. I also enjoy the fact that there is truly a happy expression on their face when they could assist you in being more Jewish. An example of this is putting on tefillin with them. They also seem to be so happy-go-lucky and have such positive attitudes since they know that Hashem is always with them.
So, as an Eclectic Jew, we keep a Kosher home, which became important to us several years ago. We try to raise our children with the values of Tikkun Olam and doing mitzvahs to help others.I hope to instill in them the love of learning about Judiasm from the language to the history to the culture to the meaning of Torah and the understanding that we are not to be labeled into one category of a group of Jews, but more of a blend of all the Jews.
As they get older and closer to the years of their Bar or Bat Mitzvah, they will say " I become a Bar or Bat Mitzvah" because they see what they are working towards rather than what I think I said, " I had a Bar Mitzvah. There was the ceremony which I participated in and then we had a party." I have seen this aspect more recently in the conservative/orthodox/chabad shuls that I have been involved with. I also love the fact of being part of many Jewish communities rather than just one.
But we did move to Rockland and part of the reasons my parents chose where they did was the fact that our condo was diagonally across from Temple Beth El, a large reformed synogogue. My parents immediately enrolled me in Hebrew school as well as got me a tutor to catch me up on the many years of Hebrew I missed. Her name is Helen Edelstein, and she was truly a blessing to study under her. She also was one of my Hebrew School teachers at Beth El. Through this crash course of Hebrew, in a year and a half, I had my Bar Mitzvah with a guest list of over 300 and a bill that left my parents in debt for many years to come. This huge Bar Mitzvah was the norm though and all my friends had these elegant affairs that costs mucho dinero. In some cases, it was almost like a contest of who could outdo who as far as the party favors, the locations, the large amount of guests, the expensive djs.,etc. Now in retrospect, as an adult, I think it was a bit crazy, but as that 13 year old, it was very exciting.
At that point I did love Hebrew school and going to Temple on Friday nights and I stayed relatively active with the youth group in my high school years.My mom's mental and physical health started to get bad towards the later part of those years, but my mother and I still liked to attend services when we could.
So fast forward about 12 years later and I reconnected with the woman that I had been destined to marry. My wonderful Lynn Anne Christie.She was one of my early loves as a teen- beautiful, sweet, smart,and caring. in discussion of spending the rest of our lives together, she researched and studied Judiasm and we together grew in the process of making our lives more fulfilled by being a "Jewish couple."
Now are lives are even more complete because we are more than a "Jewish couple", we have grown into a beautiful "Jewish family" with three gorgeous, loving children that we are raising to hopefully "be Jewish".
All of this sounds so easy, right. Not so much for Rosh Hashanah this year included many things- going to services on the first day at two temples- the first one is where we are officially members and is a small/medium conservative shul, the second is a much larger reformed shul similar to what I grew up in and is also where my wife is currently a 5th grade Hebrew school teacher and led some truly religious High Holiday activities for children in 2nd grade and under. Then on Day 2, we split up with Lynn Anne and Kaycie going to Temple Hatikvah and I took the boys to Temple Beth Am because Ralphie wanted to go to the farm to do Taschlich, the ritual of throwing bread into water to cast away sins that we committed from this past year.
This was wonderful for me. For the first time in many years since we had children I got to pray, listen, and truly study in peace. I love my children to pieces, but if they are in the shul with me at services, I rarely get the opportunity to really pay attention to the service. In both shuls I took the kids to the age appropriate program and then I was able to be an active participant in the services.
So throughout this experience I couldn't stop thinking and relecting, 'Where does this put me as a Jew...am I reformed like when I grew up at Temple Beth El, am I a conservative Jew, being that I am a member at a Conservative temple, or could I even consider leaning towards Orthodox, as I love to go to activities and services run by different local Chabad centers?' (extremely friendly ultra orthodox groups that try to get Jews of all levels to commit to a higher level of Judiasm).
My conclusion... I think I am an 'ECLECTIC JEW'. A little bit of everything. I love different parts of each service and each shul. So in my life and when we raise our children to be Jewish, that is what we will end up doing, "Being Jewish" which I think might mean attending events in different places, taking a little from here and a little from there. So what did I love from Temple Beth Am (Reform)- Loved the music, I loved the fact that there was a choir. When Lynn Anne and I got married through our first couple of years at Temple Beth El one of the things that we loved was that we were in the choir together. Loved the Rabbi and the way he led the service with constantly updating the congregation as to page numbers. In the conservative synagogue, we have our Rabbi whose entertaining shmaltzy sermon was interesting and usually focuses on inner spirituality. Both of these services provided ample opportunities for children to participate in the service. It was so exciting for my kids to get to blow shofars on the bema and they actually did pretty well. In Temple Beth Am's service this morning, it was wonderful watching the Rabbi through his storytelling turn into a chef making his stew with ingredient suggestions from the children of what would make this year a good one. I can not forget what I love about the Chabad services too....the true teaching part of the services that even though they are praying at super fast speeds they are always trying to make it a learning experience about what the prayers and the torah portions are about. I also enjoy the fact that there is truly a happy expression on their face when they could assist you in being more Jewish. An example of this is putting on tefillin with them. They also seem to be so happy-go-lucky and have such positive attitudes since they know that Hashem is always with them.
So, as an Eclectic Jew, we keep a Kosher home, which became important to us several years ago. We try to raise our children with the values of Tikkun Olam and doing mitzvahs to help others.I hope to instill in them the love of learning about Judiasm from the language to the history to the culture to the meaning of Torah and the understanding that we are not to be labeled into one category of a group of Jews, but more of a blend of all the Jews.
As they get older and closer to the years of their Bar or Bat Mitzvah, they will say " I become a Bar or Bat Mitzvah" because they see what they are working towards rather than what I think I said, " I had a Bar Mitzvah. There was the ceremony which I participated in and then we had a party." I have seen this aspect more recently in the conservative/orthodox/chabad shuls that I have been involved with. I also love the fact of being part of many Jewish communities rather than just one.
